mindfirerunner

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while. I’ve been wrapped up in my own little world, trying to fight off the evil fortresses of the hectic schedules of work, home, & school. I’ve thought about you often, but find other things to fill my days and nights. I collapse into bed, sinking into the oblivion of a hopeful, quiet night of rest. I hear the world pounding through my head reinforcing the ability I have to overthink. It tells me that I can only do so much, that I can only be so much, that I will only know so much. It tries to put walls around my heart and block out what it considers nonsense, but what drives me to believe in more than myself.

The world tries to tell me what to do every day. It tells me who I’m supposed to be, what I’m supposed to look like, how I’m supposed to act. It tries to form me into the molds that others have created. It tries to grow my brain and shrink my soul. But every morning when I head out into the darkness, I prove it wrong. I don’t let it determine what I can and cannot do. I don’t let it tell me I don’t have the strength or the courage to be me. I don’t let it make me who it thinks I should be. I won’t let it tell me that I can’t believe in myself.

I escape in the early morning hours to balance out my world. Some use running as a way to sort through things, to think, to work out problems. I use running to stop and be still. I think of nothing but how the moon reflects off the roads, the sounds my feet make with every strike, or the feeling of my heart beating in my chest. It’s quiet. It’s dark. It’s perfect.

Dear Diary…

Another 75 degree day in Colorado and my spare pair of Brooks was taunting me in my office. They were staring at me as if to ask “What is wrong with you? Why would you leave us sitting in the corner with only a glimpse of sunlight bouncing off the filing cabinet and onto the floor, as if to smirk at us in the shadows?” I know ~ a bit dramatic, aren’t they? It didn’t take long before I realized how wrong it was of me to ignore their cries for the open road, so I obliged. I grabbed my sandwich and apple, laced up my shoes, and headed out the door.  Heck, I was even going to take the whole hour for lunch.

I wasn’t disappointed by the warm Colorado day, which consumed me with its blue skies and gentle breeze. I found a little path I happened to stumble across one day driving home. I decided to step off the beaten path and wander around for a while. Nestled among the trees and beside a quiet stream was a route that seemed to wind around in all directions. The sounds of the street dissolved and I quickly drifted into thoughts of flip flops and sun dresses, which can put any girl into a whimsically happy mood. The stress of the day disintegrated as if it never existed and I was caught up in nothing but the sunshine.

A runner’s high while walking? You bet. I’m even thinking of doing repeats.

I enjoyed getting down to sea level for a week of running. Running in a new city always brings a bit of anxiety to my world since most mornings I’m up to run well before the sun even thinks about peaking over the horizon. Throw in some unknown territory and a city along the ocean and running becomes more a fear of making sure I can out run the person I keep imagining is chasing me.

On our first night in San Diego, my husband and I decided to venture on a little walk to scope out our running path for the next morning. We walked around the convention center downtown and went atop the massive structure to peer over the view and see if we could spot some good running paths. Dusk was settling in and I looked down, pointed and almost shouted “Hey look! There are runners down there!” Lo and behold, right before our very eyes a running group was getting ready to head off into the sunset. I thought about flailing my arms and yelling at them to hold up, but in a brief moment of perspective we decided to run down the 12 flights of stairs as quickly as possible to catch them before they left on their trot. We made it down to the group, a bit out of breath and excited, and quickly asked if they were locals and gathered intel on the best routes to run. I was so excited I could hardly stand it and in a moment of mental lapse told my husband “Hey, we should go run with them now”. Instead, we soaked up the great advice on routes, sun rise times, and things to know when running in San Diego. I thought we had made out great, but found it slightly charming when one of the older gentlemen in the group said “Hey, did you hear that? She called us runners!” I smiled and we mosied on our way.

My last day in San Diego I wanted to hit the path before the San Diego 1/2 Marathon got rolling. I was out and back from a long run in plenty of time to catch the start of the race. Along my route, and in the dark wee hours of the morning (thank you time change) I stumbled across a few water stations on the race course. The volunteers cheered me on and even offered me something to drink. What a great group of people – I thought to myself. They were out on the course long before any other runners, and yet they were offering up some strange runner on a path behind them something to drink. Volunteers play a huge part in any race. For many of us they can be the group that makes or breaks a certain mileage point. Their cheers of encouragement, offering of beverages and gels, and time on the course (which I dare say is longer than any of us are on there) are what come from a unique subset of individuals.  

So here’s to you race course volunteers – THANK YOU – for getting up earlier than us on race day, freezing in the cold, rain, snow or otherwise, and doing everything in your power to compliment the time and effort us runners have put into getting to the start line and making it through to the end. May we return your smiles, thank you for the gift of nourishment and encouragement, and continue to see you on race day!

It’s been a tough few weeks for me physically and I’ve finally had to admit I need to scale back a bit on the running for a week or two. I’m not one to admit defeat, so let’s just say I’m…adjusting my outlook on running – at least for the next several days. My body just won’t keep up with what my brain wants to do. You don’t realize how physical your body is until it just won’t do what you keep asking of it. Only then do you realize that it is a machine and sometimes machines need a little time to reboot. You know, a little “blue screen” time. I’ve realized that no matter how desperately I want to get out there and run, my muscles are just struggling right now and are a tad bit slow in the healing and recovery process. I’m hopeful with new meds that they will get better blood supply, heal more quickly, and be more responsive to what I demand of them. Add into the mix a stressful few weeks at work, long hours, and sick children and you get one knotted up Mama who will do just about anything to hit the road for a few hours. (Let’s just say I’m ready to head to San Diego with my honey next week.)

I’m looking forward to letting things heal up this week so that I can enjoy running in a new city, in warmer temps, and at sea level. Commence motivation to rest. So, while I may be a tad bit anxious right now, stressed, somewhat overwhelmed, and exhausted, I look forward to sunshine & sea level, rest & relaxation, and a healthier mind and spirit.

In the meantime, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself and find strength and healing in other activities like yoga, stretching, and core strength training. And while I might be anxious to get out and run now, I’d much rather save myself for sea level and the chance to run with healed muscles and a wild spirit.

Uh oh. I’ve scared some of you already, haven’t I? We talk a lot about motivation. Where does it come from? How can we keep it? Why is it so hard to make the lifestyle changes we need to make in order to live healthier lives? On my run this morning I started thinking about a running blog my husband sent to me called the “Praying Runner” (www.prayingrunner.com). I realized that for some, finding motivation comes from something very different than just wanting to be a better runner or being healthier.

I have always experienced motivation from finding out I can do more than I thought I could when I push myself beyond my comfort zone. I have learned valuable lessons from these life experiences and this is often where the base of my motivation derives from. This morning was different. I’ve become bored with most early morning runs and running the same route typically because of the dark mornings, and so I began to think about ways to keep my mind occupied on things other than how many laps I’ve completed. (Insert my “ah ha” moment) I realized I could be using this time much more wisely.

What if motivation to head out for a run came from the desire to spend time with God? Many of us struggle with feelings of selfishness for wanting to head out the door for an hour to exercise, but what if we use this time to pray for our family? Friends? Co-workers? (This one could be challenging.) There have been times I’ve spent a few minutes of my run talking with God. These moments are often created by watching a falling star against the black backdrop of the sky, or by feeling a sense of freedom or calm during my runs. But what if I intentionally spent my entire time on the road with Him? Would this time allow me to be used in ways I have never thought of? I realized that maybe for some of you finding motivation lies not within your own capabilities but in what you can accomplish in an hour alone with God.

We had a lot to talk about this morning; a lot to catch up on. It’s time to put the Devil to work. Stop letting the poor decisions we make come so easily. Pound the pavement with God and I bet you find more than motivation.