mindfirerunner

A great break from our hectic world took us to Austin for a nice, long weekend. We were so fortunate to meet up with some old friends for dinner and dessert, have a great evening of laughs, drinks, and THE best doughnuts created by mankind. My husband and I were able to spend several days in a tucked away space, backed up to a hummingbird garden. We took hikes, explored restaurants, and had our second honeymoon. After three kids, you don’t realize how nice it is to relax & enjoy doing nothing…like read a book.

The first day my run ended up being in the gym because we completely slept in. And in Texas humidity, I wasn’t sure I wanted to run in 80 degree weather. This morning however, I was able to run on some of the trails and routes that surrounded the property. After swallowing more gnats than I needed to for my daily protein intake (thanks for telling me they’re full of protein, Dad) I decided to run around the golf course. I came across only one other runner, but we said to each other, “Kind of a short path, huh?”. It was about a 3 mile loop. You know you’re a runner, when…?

A great dinner by the fire. A nice bottle of Riesling. Back at the hotel room to chillax with my Lover, and we turn on the tube and see an interview with Gene Simmons. (Note to the reading crowd: I know near nothing about good ol’ Rock ‘n’ Roll, but I do know who Gene Simmons is.) The interview was insanely real. He talked about his life growing up during the war in Germany, and the trials his mother and family went through. He is ridiculously intelligent (hard to believe, I know), but something he said struck me more than anything else. He was talking about his mother and the first time he showed her his first $1m check. Her response, “Wonderful! Wonderful! Now, what are your going to do?”

Wonderful! Wonderful! You’ve just finished a great workout…gotten your dream job…created something new…

Now, what are you going to do?

One of the things I love best about my small town is that there are dirt roads in every direction. I don’t typically run on them during the week simply because I’m out and back before the sun even thinks about rising. The only caveat to this is if there’s a full moon. It’s simply amazing how bright it can be at 4 o’clock in the morning with a full moon bouncing off of the snow. I love the absolute peace of hearing my own breath, and the sounds the snow makes when it crunches under my shoes. Sometimes I have a song or tune rattling around in my head, but most of the time I’m thinking about a whole lot of nothing. It’s amazing how much I can think about nothing.

There are those days where I have more on my mind that I have time to run miles. I have (too many times) let my thoughts rob me of my peace. I found this happening on my run the other day. I was so consumed with a variety of things trying to figure them all out on my run, when I decided that enough was enough. This was my time to clear my head. This was my time to push myself as much as I could. This was my time…for me. I only needed that one hour, but I needed it for me.

Then, I noticed the sign “Pavement Ends”. I know I’ve seen that sign a million times on my runs, but it wasn’t until yesterday that I realized it meant something more to me. Pavement ends. Life begins. Leave it at the door. Lay it before God. Whatever you want to call it, it is what it is when it is most to you.

Pavement ends where life begins. It’s time to live.

I know. It never happens to me either. I am never wrong. Sometimes mistaken, but never wrong. Or, possibly just not right? Whatever it is we call it, there are times when all of us have not been “accurate”. Fortunately for us, most of the times when we are wrong we are not putting ourselves or others in danger, have not lost life or limb, and have woken to see another day. Which brings me to the next best thing, which is our inability to let ourselves fail.

There it is…the big “F” word. Ugh. I’ll be wrong any day, but fail at something? No way. We beat ourselves up one side and down the other when we feel we have failed. We dig ourselves into a deep trench of muck and mire, and feel that the weight of our own failure impairs our ability to make any movement forward. We freeze. We shut down. We forget that we…are…human.

Fear of failure is what makes us motionless most of the days and weeks we exist. All we do too often is just…exist; too immobilized by the fear of possible failure. Whether it’s trying to eat healthier, start a new exercise regimen, or start a new career, we halt our own progress by giving in at the first sign of failure. Sometimes, we don’t even make the first move because of the thought that we might fail. But failure is what allows us the opportunity to grow. When we can learn from our mistakes, do better the next time, or take a small step forward in the muck and the mire, we are proving to ourselves that we are worth the effort of trying…and failing.

It’s okay to fail. We all do it. Consider this your safety zone.

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good.”
― Dr. Seuss