mindfirerunner

Wide awake I sit once again with nothing but my Mac, an old t-shirt of my husband’s on and my reading glasses. Oh Mac…how I love you. You’re always there, always warm, and always full of great ideas. You never talk back, and thank goodness you don’t have an autocorrect feature.

My husband and I switched vehicles yesterday, and while on my way to a massage appointment I was looking through the glove compartment for something to put my hair up with. You know girls, we leave hair things all over the place. Surely I could find something in a 13 year old Saturn. I didn’t find any hair clips, but I did find my very first marathon medal! Oh my stars!!! I couldn’t believe it. How the heck did that get in there? At first I thought it was one of my son’s wrestling medals but after closely looking I saw “Steamboat Springs Marathon” embellished on the old worn medal.

I remember that first marathon almost 11 years ago. Boy, do I remember that first marathon. I wasn’t new to running but I was certainly new to running a marathon. I read up on different training plans as best I could (the Internet wasn’t all that easy to navigate then), but I was far from ready to run a full marathon. In fact, the longest run I had before the event was a 15-miler. It was a boring 15-miler at that because we lived in a small little neighborhood in a not-so-safe part of town at the time, so I didn’t want to stray too far from the house. I remember quite vividly how that 15 mile run felt, and how the marathon felt.

I was excited and nervous before the marathon, that hasn’t changed. But these days I’m a bit more prepared. I enjoyed the first 10 miles of the marathon and even hooked up with a new running buddy and we ran in tandem through mile 13. Then, I stopped for a water break…worst mistake ever. My running buddy had moved on and my legs began to cramp up. I kept telling myself, “You can do this. Just run six miles at a time and you’ll be done.” That mantra ran out quickly though and by mile 20 I felt my ankle bones crunching with every step. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I relied on the crowds along the sidelines, cheering me on (don’t ever take them for granted), and finally…FINALLY…reached the finish line in 5:42:51. Just a few minutes to spare before the course was closed. From mile 20-26.2 I swore up and down I’d never EVER run another marathon – EVER. And then I crossed the finish line. Every muscle, joint, ligament, fiber of my entire body hurt but I had a smile on my face (a few tears in my eyes) and I said “I can’t wait to do this again”.

Since then I’ve completed a few more marathons and have trained a whole lot better because I don’t want to ever feel like that in a race again. My last marathon was over two hours faster than my first at 3:32:02. I enjoyed that little walk down memory lane and looking back at how far I’ve come. I always felt like I missed the boat in my youth to be a runner, and thought I might be getting too old now. But as I look back from where I came from, I can only think “It’s just gonna get better”.

As I sat in an overstuffed leather chair awaiting my massage appointment, I realized how calm and relaxed I was. (In order to properly get the full effect of this blog you really should put some meditating music on.) I was forced to sit still. Something I don’t tend to do very often. In a matter of seconds my mind was clear and I felt like I was finally centered and focused again. Something that had been missing for a while it seems. My thoughts were organized and new ideas came to me more quickly than I could type them into my phone. I had title after title light up in my head for my next running blogs. I’ve been going through a bit of a dry spell, with not running and all, but yesterday I was given the green light by my physical therapist and coach. It’s go time! Well, not exactly, but over the course of the next few weeks I’ll be as good as new. Still, a three mile run is certainly better than nothing. Throw in a massage and I’m a new girl!

So what does it take to bring us back to “base camp”? We get into our daily routines and the to-do lists, sports practices, work, school concerts, etc. We spend so much of our time committed to those people in our immediate circles that we don’t often step out long enough to refocus. As parents, everything we do revolves around educating, supporting and raising our children. We try to set good examples and work hard to ensure that they are taken care of and nurtured. There are times that we need to step out and re-group though. Everyone is different. Some people call it charging their batteries, but I call it getting back to my center of gravity. I get off-kiltered by events of the week, stress of work or family, or so involved in the details that I can’t seem to get my head on straight. We end up in the rut of normalcy and begin living a mediocre life.

To find my center of gravity, I just need some time alone. In a perfect world my alone time would come from getting away from everything that is normal. I would take just a few days, go someplace secluded, with no technology, no noises, just the sounds of nature and my own heart beating. We feel guilty if we want to “escape”. We feel we are inconveniencing those around us, and that things just won’t go right if we’re not home to make sure they do. But I’m learning. My roles in life have revolved around the home for so long I’ve forgotten who I am. See, this is where society has shaped us into creatures of habit and routine. It’s okay to break the mold. It’s okay to take a time out for you. It’s okay to find your center of gravity. The more centered you are, the better you will be to those around you. We need time to reflect, mentally reorganize, and recharge ~ it has been neglected for too long.

We are without limits if we can just get our minds out of the way.

Sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of life trying to do it all alone. There are times when we need someone else to lean on though. We need that person to help guide us through, give us feedback, and tell us to “snap out of it”. A friend of mine is running the Leadville 100 and the pacing information the race provides gives a lot of insight into life itself. There are instructions on how to lead, follow, get out of the way, be encouraging, be stern; all things we need someone to do for us at times.

I’m the worst at asking for help. I tend to withdraw and hide away when I need help the most. If no one can hear me or see me, then no one will ask and I can sort through life and try to figure things out on my own. But I will admit that I am grateful for the person that steps in and says “It’s time to let me help you”. I’ve always been a very independent person and have always felt that my successes and my failures should rely solely on my shoulders. Life is beginning to teach me along the way. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to ask for feedback. It is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength when we can push our independent egotistical selves aside and seek someone to lean on.

As runners there are other runners that we can lean on. We look to them for motivation and inspiration. We look to our coaches to pull on the reigns and make us check in and give them feedback. We need family members to help watch kids so we can escape the chaos and run free on back country roads, and we need people to sometimes just say “Good job”. But as much as we need these people in our lives, they need the same from us.

So, as all of you have made your New Year’s resolutions and are determined by every force of nature to stick to them, know that it is okay to ask for help. Know that there is someone you can lean on and someone who needs you to lean on as well. Life can toss us back and forth and sometimes we just need something to steady ourselves against to keep going.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”  ~ Albert Einstein

Now. Now. We’re NOT going there, but let’s face it. We train. We plan. We do everything we think we are supposed to do in hopes of doing the absolute best come race day. Or, do we? I’m guilty. I run the same route almost every day and when it comes time for long runs I don’t typically want to stray from the norm because I know what my times should be and I try to stay within a target range. Running on dirt roads and hills does not typically help me stay within my target range. Over the past several weeks though, I’ve been trying to break out of my running routine. I’ve been trying some new routes and definitely enjoying the scenery, though my times have been slipping a little. It’s hard for me to stop looking at my watch and start looking at the views. So, do I really train well? The race course is most definitely going to be different than the route that I run day in and day out around my house. So today I ventured out, and kept the watch running.

I used to really enjoy my long runs and getting as far away from everything as possible. I would do an out-and-back route that would take me so far north of “town” that I would see nature in its most untouched and majestic state. I loved these runs. It was harder to plan for because I didn’t have water available so I would have to take a fuel belt with me, and running with a fuel belt, watch, headphones, etc., just really isn’t my idea of escaping. Today was yet another beautiful Colorado day with temps that managed to get into the 40s. I waited and planned my entire day around getting on the road early afternoon to enjoy the peak of sunshine and warmth. I went out with one route in mind, but somewhere mid-through I decided to break out of my normal pattern and push myself to become a stronger, more adaptive runner. I knew that running on dirt roads and adding in more hills wouldn’t help my time any today, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I made one 4-mile loop and then decided to branch out and see what was beyond my normal turning-around point. So I ran…and I kept running. It was beautiful. It was quiet. The only thing I heard was my heart beating and my feet hitting the dirt road. I could see the entire mountain range and was more focused on that than on my watch. It was a tough run, and there were a lot of “rolling” hills (don’t let that word fool you). I know that the run I did today will make me a stronger runner. I get so nervous before a race that I get sick to my stomach, lose my appetite and can’t sleep. It’s more than physical training; it’s mental training. And that little bug in my ear telling me that I didnt’ train well enough because I didn’t get outside of my comfort zone just got squashed today.

I read an article recently where a reader asked the question of whether or not they should even run in a race because they were worried that they would finish dead last, that the course would close, and that they’d be left there all alone. I loved the author’s response of “Who cares?”. You run for you! And, if the race course director has any experience and history putting on races, he or she would know that the course doesn’t close until the last person crosses the finish line. Unfortunately, we don’t always feel like we have that support, but don’t let the fear of not finishing stop you from starting. You never know, you might just stop long enough to enjoy the views around you.

Strasburg Dirt Road Run